Tales of Captain Jack

[Captain Jack]

I am aware that this is not a proper first post, but I felt it had to be shared none the less. This is a conversation between me and my friend Dan Grossmann, back when HP was still online. At the time, I think I was trying to sucker him in to writing an article for the site. In retrospect, I probably should have just posted the following conversation, which serves as a reminder of how entertaining I used to be. :(

Ze Infidel: Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet? And also, you're drunk.
CapJack05: handey?
Ze Infidel: hahaha
Ze Infidel: yes
CapJack05: I AM TEH GENEYUS!
Ze Infidel: you are teh something
Ze Infidel: teh retard
CapJack05: HAHA U R FUN-E. ASL? I LIEK PENGUINS.
Ze Infidel: hahaha
Ze Infidel: whoa
Ze Infidel: more writes
Ze Infidel: writers*
Ze Infidel: I IMPRESSED
CapJack05: speaking of which YOU OWE ME.
Ze Infidel: shit
Ze Infidel: i haven't even thought about starting
Ze Infidel: but i will
Ze Infidel: eventually
Ze Infidel: remember bitch, dictators don't have deadlines
CapJack05: we'll need it in february probably. For it will be the one month where we post an update EVERYDAY!
Ze Infidel: WHAT
Ze Infidel: howinthehell
CapJack05: we shall be busting our asses like we got season passes
Ze Infidel: hah, methinks ye scurvey lads be overshootin the schtars
CapJack05: you forget. I am a pirate. T2 is a robot. NinjaR is not only a ninja, but a ninja for the united states marine corp. And Smokey is one of god's chosen people. Together, we can do it.
Ze Infidel: hahaha
Ze Infidel: HAHA
CapJack05: I've already written six comics, that's like, 1/6 of teh month done.
Ze Infidel: but I have Timmah! shooter of Mooslims for the USMC, and I, the destroyer of worlds, and I have 7 other siblings, each of whom has special powers, like Ligers, only way better
Ze Infidel: but you don't see me trying to do a whole month
Ze Infidel: oh no
Ze Infidel: i don't dare
CapJack05: because between the 9 of you, you don't even have ONE PAIR of ball big enough for the task.
Ze Infidel: see, my problem isn't pirates, i have the mask for that and the speech impediment as well, and ninjas...well three off my brothers are of the japanese assassin sort, no, my problem is:
Ze Infidel: i don't have a robot in the corps
Ze Infidel: no, we've got the biggest, balls of them all, but no robots hurts our scheming
CapJack05: They are necessary for uploading and coding and such.
Ze Infidel: indeed
Ze Infidel: speaking of computers
Ze Infidel: im building my dad one, and im fucking jealous
Ze Infidel: my grandpa is paying for it, who is rich, and i am building it and choosing the parts, or I already did, and i like high end products
Ze Infidel: all i can say is
Ze Infidel: fuck
Ze Infidel: and "tortilla"
Ze Infidel: but i pronounce the L's
Ze Infidel: ah, and read my away message, twas a shining moment amidst drunkeness in canada
CapJack05: color me jealous
CapJack05: and then a sort off off-white with rosy cheeks.
Ze Infidel: haha
Ze Infidel: hah, and I have finalized plans with Kurt Hughes, we decided whatever job i control in the future, Kurt will work for me and make more than people more qualified than them so it will be quite obvious that i am not an equal opportunity employer
CapJack05: ha
Ze Infidel: yeah
Ze Infidel: the only janitor in town to drive a BMW 7-series
CapJack05: This is diabolical. And as I took my first step towards super-villiany today, I demand that in this future situation I get to be your Public Relations Manager, and make sure you have a totally evil but sexy and masculine image for your company.
Ze Infidel: hahahaha
Ze Infidel: deal
Ze Infidel: and you shall have a totally innocent and totally hot secretary, probably in a slutty-college girl way
CapJack05: yes
CapJack05: with big gazoombas?
Ze Infidel: make sure the image has like enemy company ceo heads on pikes, but in the background
Ze Infidel: yessuh
Ze Infidel: like i said
CapJack05: and birds pecking at their eyeballs
Ze Infidel: NOT equal opportunity
Ze Infidel: i can hand pick who and in her case, WHAT, i want to work for me
CapJack05: for real.
CapJack05: On weekends, we should raid ad pillage the offices of rival companies.
Ze Infidel: shit i don't even know what this company is gonna be, but it's gonna rule
Ze Infidel: indeed
CapJack05: we should make baby formula.
Ze Infidel: hahaha
Ze Infidel: yeah
Ze Infidel: call it Cool McBaby Mini-40's
Ze Infidel: er
CapJack05: hell yes!
Ze Infidel: Cool McBaby's Mini-Forty
Ze Infidel: yeah
Ze Infidel: milk...WITH A KICK
CapJack05: All of our advertisements should be written in arabic with english subtitles.
Ze Infidel: or hell, maybe just some straight alcohol...that'll shut the babies of the area up, and mothers worldwide will approve
Ze Infidel: hahaha
Ze Infidel: you get to wear a turbin as our PR guy and go out speaking gibberish, maybe I'll hire Kent or Smokey to translate for you on the street
CapJack05: "The sweetest milk runs from the skull of my enemy which I shall use as a cup and possibly a toilet should circumstances require me to do so. ALALALALALALALALALAAAA!"
Ze Infidel: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ze Infidel: shit
Ze Infidel: that's profile material there
CapJack05: possibly. We really need to condense this down and start presenting it to investors as a business plan.
Ze Infidel: yeah
Ze Infidel: well
Ze Infidel: leave out the skull and cup part
Ze Infidel: we'd use that as a surprise ad tactic when pressed for public interest
CapJack05: good idea.
Ze Infidel: but the Jihad scream
Ze Infidel: now that's good stuff,
Ze Infidel: we could use it to fade in and out of our commercials
CapJack05: hell yes.

[William McDert]

:(

[Fasheem]

But where's the NEWS?

Are you married yet? Any kids? Still working insane schedules at crap jobs? Do you still have really cute hair? Are you in university now? Do you like fish? How's your health? Are you still sort of Buddhist? Do you feel that you have lost "it" and that's why you won't post?

[Tyran-ne]

Buddhist? Rully? ^_^

And I don't think you kin really lose "it". Just misplace "it". :snoopy:

[Captain Jack]

But where's the NEWS?
:coffee: I'm not done with it yet.

Are you married yet?
Not even dating. Well, that's not entirely true. It's complicated, as these matters often are. It's probably safe to say that the only ring I'd consider wearing in the immediate future will have a green lantern on it.

Any kids?
No, but I do have a cat, so I am not missing out on the pitter-patter of little feet. On my head. While I'm sleeping.

Still working insane schedules at crap jobs?
I work as a bookseller now, and the benefits are really good, even though the pay isn't great. The schedule's actually pretty good, though on occasion it gets a bit hairy.

Do you still have really cute hair?
I do! I have a friend in cosmetology school who cut it for me. It was her first time, and it took her a while due to the curliness and thickness of it. Now when people question her ability to do their hair, she holds up a picture of me and says "If I can cut this f@#er's hair, then I can cut anybody's."

Are you in university now?
I am going to start school in April! I'm excited, though I'm having trouble getting my financial aid approved. I'm hoping to get a degree in English Literature in four years, and then probably go into teaching secondary school.

Do you like fish?
They are both tasty and fun to watch. Except for the creepy ones, of which there are many.

How's your health?
I was told by my doctor I need to gain weight. He has me lifting weights at home every other day because he says I am unlikely to gain weight just by eating. Any attempts I have made to discuss this with a woman have resulted in injury to my person.

Are you still sort of Buddhist?
Sort of!

Do you feel that you have lost "it" and that's why you won't post?

I feel like I don't have much worth saying at the moment. I'm sure once I settle in, I will prove to be a bit more talkative.

[ChimeraCreative]

I was told by my doctor I need to gain weight. He has me lifting weights at home every other day because he says I am unlikely to gain weight just by eating. Any attempts I have made to discuss this with a woman have resulted in injury to my person.


:smackbum:

[Fasheem]

I do! I have a friend in cosmetology school who cut it for me. It was her first time, and it took her a while due to the curliness and thickness of it. Now when people question her ability to do their hair, she holds up a picture of me and says "If I can cut this f@#er's hair, then I can cut anybody's."

:love:

I am going to start school in April! I'm excited, though I'm having trouble getting my financial aid approved. I'm hoping to get a degree in English Literature in four years, and then probably go into teaching secondary school.

In Korea? :hehehm:


I was told by my doctor I need to gain weight. He has me lifting weights at home every other day because he says I am unlikely to gain weight just by eating.

Sure you would, it just wouldn't be healthy weight... right?? I'm also underweight so you're safe with me. Not so underweight that the doctor put me on a weight gain plan though he may have tried if he spoke any English.

[Captain Jack]

Today was a good day. I got the next two trades of Y: The Last Man, and have spent most of the day playing Tales of the Abyss. I am much relaxed.

Wait, perhaps....



No...



Well....


I don't know, should I?











AAAAAAHHHHH! I can't help myself!



:chewie:

[Tyran-ne]

No, but I do have a cat, so I am not missing out on the pitter-patter of little feet. On my head. While I'm sleeping.
Trade you for a bird. :D

she holds up a picture of me and says "If I can cut this f@#er's hair, then I can cut anybody's."
F@#kin' right! :e2brows:

I am going to start school in April! I'm excited, though I'm having trouble getting my financial aid approved. I'm hoping to get a degree in English Literature in four years, and then probably go into teaching secondary school.
Really? Four years...well, school can a great thing...you know, when it's your choice. ^_^

I was told by my doctor I need to gain weight. He has me lifting weights at home every other day because he says I am unlikely to gain weight just by eating. Any attempts I have made to discuss this with a woman have resulted in injury to my person.
I'm...not even touching that one. :)

I feel like I don't have much worth saying at the moment. I'm sure once I settle in, I will prove to be a bit more talkative.
I wuz like that too.
Now they can't shut me up. :blush5:

[Captain Jack]

I wuz like that too.
Now they can't shut me up. :blush5:

I'm glad. ^_^

Andrea and Chris kept luring me here by saying "Sarah's even posting again!" over and over.

I didn't believe them at first. :blush5:

[Tyran-ne]

L! L! L!

A had to get on my butt too. I wuz very resistant.
Mostly 'cuz I felt very boring. Heh.

[Captain Jack]

L! L! L!

A had to get on my butt too. I wuz very resistant.
Mostly 'cuz I felt very boring. Heh.

That may be it. Plus, I feel like only half a poster because I can't find a decent avatar.

Maybe I'll just go pick out a cute animal:

http://sharecare.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/cute-animals-1.jpg

[Tyran-ne]

http://sharecare.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/cute-animals-1.jpg

Squee! AM NOT FROG! AM KITTEH!

[Tyran-ne]

That may be it. Plus, I feel like only half a poster because I can't find a decent avatar.


Rully? I gotz like 10 of 'em an' I alternate...brb

[jedispyder]

Hell, I'll make you a friggin icon if it means you'll post more!

My most recent was for this annoying guy who plays SWM with me, he wanted a picture of Spock in a Jedi robe with a lightsaber. Ugh, it felt weird making it until I thought of it more as Sylar with a lightsaber....then thought of how fucking awesome that'd make as a story....

[Captain Jack]

Hell, I'll make you a friggin icon if it means you'll post more!

I guess that will depend on what kind of avatar you make me. ;-)

[Captain Jack]

Rully? I gotz like 10 of 'em an' I alternate...brb

I just noticed you changed it. ^_^

I'm not sure I could pick an anime avatar that I feel worthy of. Everything I would want seems too cool for me, lol.

[jedispyder]

Depends on what kind of icon you want me to make you ;)

[Captain Jack]

I think I'd leave it entirely up to you. I'm trying to find a good one with Ness from earthbound, but I can't find any I like. Maybe I've just gotten too picky.

[Tyran-ne]

I think I'd leave it entirely up to you. I'm trying to find a good one with Ness from earthbound, but I can't find any I like. Maybe I've just gotten too picky.

You over think it! :rotate:

[William McDert]

Is your little bro stilll playing WoW and do you feel bad that we got him addicted? And do you ever miss fishing with your boy Heatwave?

[Captain Jack]

He quit a while back, I think, since he lost his job and couldn't afford it. He's been playing free MMORPGs, though, so he still has the gaming addiction.

Yeah, I miss the days of us cruising around durotaur shouting randomly at passers by. Plus, the eight million WC runs so I could make some gold selling deviant fish. I wish I could still afford to play. ^_^

Right now, I keep getting jammed on my financial aid for school. Since my mother was unemployed and my stepdad is a tax protester, it makes it a bit difficult for me to get my applications processed. My first term may have to come out of pocket, which sucks.

Luckily, the summer term switches over to a new year, and my app is fine for that one. It's pretty annoying, still.

[Captain Jack]

Ahaha! I have an avatar now!

Tomorrow I have to go up to school for my parking pass, Student ID, Book lists, and hopefully finish these financial aid applications.

Now I plan on playing video games and sleeping the rest of the night. Life, is good. :snoopy:

[Fasheem]

Yay school! Hope it isn't the hell for you that it was for me! :(

[Tyran-ne]

Ahaha! I have an avatar now!

SWEET!

Tomorrow I have to go up to school for my parking pass, Student ID, Book lists, and hopefully finish these financial aid applications.

Now I plan on playing video games and sleeping the rest of the night. Life, is good. :snoopy:

Sweet!

Wow. I don't add much to a conversation. ^_^

[CountD]

Nice to see you back, cap'n.

[Captain Jack]

Nice to see you back, cap'n.

Thanks!



Today I was informed by the school that since my stepfather is a federal income tax protester (take note Shadowman), that I am undable to recieve Financial Aid this term since he does not file a tax return. Boooo.

On the plus side, I found out paying tuition late means nothing more than a forty dollar fee and that I cannot register for the next term until it is paid off in full. This was a big relief, as it means that I don't have to come up with 1100 dollars before the middle of April; I'll be able to pay it off after a few weeks, so no problem, save for being out some cash.

In related news, I just shelled out 200 bucks for three 'customized' textbooks. These appear to be little more than regular textbooks with the school's logo on the cover. I could get the same thing at the bookstore I work at for a quarter of the price, but apparently these customized textbooks are required. I am able to get my computer books through another store, so I already have one on my stash at work.

I also picked up the last three Y: The Last Man trades today with the gift certificate Chris got me for my birthday. Now, I'm off to Wal-Mart to use my government coupon to buy a digital converter box, as well as some school supplies.

In short, today I'm throwing money in every possible direction, so if you pick a spot and wait long enough, I'm sure I'll end up paying you, too. :gonk:

Also! I started a weekly writing exercise in the creative cafe. Check it out here (http://www.basement-x.com/showthread.php?t=315).

[Captain Jack]

My new addiction: http://www.potterpuppetpals.com/ :fuckyou:

[Fasheem]

Yay, yer usin' my smilies!

Customized textbooks... I would have held off to see why they were oh so necessary. If they don't have a code for a website that you MUST use to pass the class, I would have told them to fuck themselves.

I once paid $3 for the OLD version of a textbook. The new version was $120. I think this resulted in me missing one answer on a quiz one time. Worth it!!

[jedispyder]

Customized textbooks suck so much. Raymond Walters had us get a customized textbook for General Chemistry I and it cost like $80 or so, definitely not worth it.

[Tyran-ne]

My new addiction: http://www.potterpuppetpals.com/ :fuckyou:

YAY!

They're out of order though...
Trouble at Hogwarts just has to be watched last! ^_^
...
...
...
bother!

[Captain Jack]

Here's a pick my friend drew of me when we were on lunch at work. I look rather angry in it, I think. O.o

[jedispyder]

o.O

[MGM]

LOL, yes, you do look angry.

[Tyran-ne]

On an unrelated note...does this friend of yours dislike you?

You've looked better. ;)

Still, that's a lotta picture for a little time. ^_^

[Captain Jack]

Still, that's a lotta picture for a little time. ^_^

Yeah, he's pretty good. I just wish he'd do more with it. :-/

On the plus side, after watching Metal: A Headbanger's Journey (http://www.amazon.com/Metal-Headbangers-Journey-Chris-Adler/dp/B000EGEJIY/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1238859636&sr=8-1), I have been melting my brain with a lot of power metal. My play list is nothing but Dio, Scorpions, Blind Guardian, Rainbow, Hammerfall, Manowar, etc, etc. It's a pretty informative documentary, and has a crazy chart that shows the origins of the different metal genres.

I'm *fairly* certain it's the only music I'll ever need to listen to anymore. EVER. :e2headbang:

[Captain Jack]

My car was broken into today. SUPER AGGRAVATION, GO!

[jedispyder]

Ugh, that's never fun! What'd they take?

[Tyran-ne]

WHAAA-AAA-AA-AAAAT?

That sucks! And what do you mean "again"? :mad:

[Captain Jack]

After looking around, it looks like they took a knife that my friend Chuck gave me for my birthday.

Just finished my first week of school. It's been pretty good so far, I go in the mornings, have about two to three hours after school to go home and relax before I go into work.

My algebra class has been pretty easy so far, they're just reviewing basic math. My computer class has everything project listed in the syllabus, so it's pretty easy to get ahead of work. My English class involves a lot of writing, which is good, as I would like to get back into the habit so that I won't struggle so much when I go to do short stories.

Next months will be tight because I have tuition due, but so far everything seems to be working out okay.

[The French Biscuit]

Huzzah for enjoying school so far! It's all down, I mean uphill from here! :D